Sarah Mays, artist.
How many times have I started this initial impression in my head?! I virtually write and re-write how and where to begin when I am away from my computer; then when I am finally settled at my desk, I go down so many internet rabbit trails…before I know it, time has slipped away and I have nothing done.
So today, I begin at the present. After all, I am trying to become a present being. Decades and decades of living in the future, “I cannot wait until…” or in the past, “I wish I had…” have led me to now. It has been a windy path with many steep hills but most of these were of my own making. Most of the hills were created by me pushing forward without pausing. I find so much value in words like pause, sigh, breathe, be still. These words are balm for my soul, a satin coating for my nerves.
In 2010, when I was asked on a college application who I was, I was reduced to tears. I cannot remember the exact wording of the question but I could not find an answer that satisfied me. I realized every answer that came to mind was me through the lens of someone else: wife, mother, daughter, sister, teacher. I could not say who I was when considered as an individual and this gutted me. It was more than a fundamental lack of self-awareness but a crisis of confidence. I could not step up and claim who I was created to be or wanted to be.
Now I can answer this, for several reasons. I can say who I am because I know that I am forever evolving. I am not who I was seven years ago and I am not who I will be seven years from now. Focusing on who I am now, staying in the present, gives me a freedom that I was not aware of in 2010. I am still blessed to have all the family labels that I had before but now I recognize two key components of these: they do not define my inner self but are just this, blessings.
I am a human being who loves to learn, create, and encourage others. I think these three qualities would best describe me at my core. I can see these as a constant underlying thread throughout my decades.
I look forward to creating works of art that will encourage others along their path in life.